There’s an ever-so-subtle nip in the air (which Usain Bolt can’t handle) and Halloween’s approaching. The great thing about holidays – of which we’re about to have an abundance – is that they offer some respite. And if ever there’s been a world hungry for respite, it’s ours. Here are some diversions to occupy you in the off hours this week.

“The closest person to the control panel must now become the new elevator captain. The new captain must hold the open button until the previous captain exits.”
Elevator etiquette in Japan is really, really specific.

“Four bloody marys, two grapefruits, a pot of coffee, Rangoon crepes, a half-pound of either sausage, bacon or corned beef hash with diced chiies, a Spanish omelette or eggs benedict, a quart of milk, a chopped lemon for random seasoning, and something like a slice of key lime pie, two margaritas, and six lines of the best cocaine for dessert.”
Hunter S. Thompson’s breakfast

“They found a $6,500-a-month house on the boardwalk on Balboa Island in Newport Beach. She put down a year in advance. He didn’t want his name on the lease. Tax problems, he said. They’d known each other five weeks.”
Dirty John is loooong. Like, six parts long. But so worth it. You’ll need a break between episodes so spread it out over the week. And then do a background check on every human in your life.

Here is a tiny hedgehog camping

“Extremists, generally, aren’t psychopaths. They’re psychologically normal people who have been persuaded by bad ideas. We can’t expect to isolate these people and hope that those ideas will just fade into oblivion.”
Megan Phelps-Roper, former member of the Westboro Baptist Church, talking to Sarah Silverman on her most excellent new show, I Love You, America

“Learn to read a fucking room.”
For men wondering what they can do to make the world more equitable for women, this list hits all the major bases.

Enters the room by kicking the door down. Obnoxious Austinite. Conflicted Texan. Writer. Procuress. Sot.