I am an artist and I love creating my art, but even though I love it, I still find a million zillion ways to procrastinate. Why do I waste time binge watching The Great British Baking Show instead of doing the thing I love? Why is it so hard to find the motivation to get off my butt and make some art?
– Ready, Set, BAKE!
Dear Ready, Set, BAKE!,
Want to know all the things I did instead of writing this column today?
1. I checked facepoop 4 bla-billion times
2. I ate an entire package of pre-made guacamole
3. I finally started watching the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (It’s real good guys)
a. #2 & #3 happened simultaneously and it was feckin’ magic.
4. I ordered something called a “cat fountain”
5. I trimmed my cat’s nails (she HATED IT!)
6. I took apart and rebuilt my Ikea couch (no reason)
7. I reorganized my jewelry
8. I spent approximately four hours adding things to my cart on anthropology.com only to remember that Anthro (and Urban) are owned by a horrible sack of human garbage and I shouldn’t give them any money even if those mismatched mugs are tres cute and Urban has the best selection of winter rompers (love a winter romp), so I closed that tab and started a new cart at Target.com which is probs still an evil corporation but at least they have gender neutral bathrooms so that’s something.
a. Cat fountain from #4 was a part of this process
9. A whole bunch of other useless shit…
Things I didn’t do
1. Take a shower
2. Go to the gym
3. Write this column (until RIGHT NOW WHEN I 100% should be asleep)
The crazy thing is, I love writing this column more than I love doing any of the other garbage shit I did with my day (except maybe the guacamole and Mrs. Maisel hour), so why the hell did I put it off? My guess is I put it off because I love it so much. I put it off because I actually give a shit, and that’s mad intimidating.
The point is, we scared. You and me both. We are afraid because the stakes in our hearts are high for the things that we love. What if we give our all, and our work is terrible? Or worse, what if it is mediocre? Or worst of all, what if it is brilliant?
We’re as afraid of our failure as we are of our success, and that keeps us locked in stillness, doing things that are low/no risk. I eat fistfuls of guac and order cat supplies online, and you let Sue, Mel, Mary Berry, and old ice-eyes Paul Hollywood, take you out to the British countryside to talk about Swiss rolls for an hour (or 10).
Let me ask you this, how many times have you heard someone on TGBBS say the words “I don’t know why I’m crying, it’s just cake!”? Probably like a bla-billion times amiright? And you know why they are crying? They are crying because they LOVE CAKE! They are spending hours crouched on the floor staring into the abyss of their dreams, praying that some awnry little yeast babies aren’t going to go berserk and fuck their shot at star baker, and they’re doing it because because they LOVE CAKE (and pie, and pastries, and cookies, and biscuits, etc.). It’s dramatic, and silly, and goddamn beautiful.
So…the only advice I can give, is preheat your oven and start already. Stop loafing around afraid of a soggy bottom, and start kneading the dough of your GD dreams!
P.S. I just googled baking puns and hands down the best one I found was “smash the PASTRYARCHY!”. I laughed so hard that I’m dead now so someone please carve that on my goddamn grave.